colours

Some of you guys may have noticed, but i was wearing a colourful bag pack to school the past week, and some call it gay, others call it cool, but i call it me. Some how, when i have time for myself these few days, i simply stop dead my in tracks and think. The more i think ed, the more i kinda accepted the fact that my life was filled with many different colours, just like the one on my bag itself. The colour red, no doubt my favourite colour, the colour that symbolises the fire of my passion for the many things i love in my life, the colour that reminds me that how much pain i may go through in my life, something may still be beautiful. And i intent to keep that way. Colours such as pink and black represents the emotions and my personality stored in this boy. Green with envy is the emotion that i am currently trying to surpress, yellow to remind me that i am still a chinese, Cooling blue to calm me down and to remove the heat from my often overworked emotions. White, to remind me that there is always something bright that still exists in me, something to remind me that no matter how dark my days may get, there is still something to look forward to. Sometimes i wonder why god put me in such a colourful situations. When he knows i already have more thatn enough to juggle in my hands. And i am not just talking about my own problems, there are added factors such as strained friendship ties, post exam stress (fucking irony...), many more...

Things like froliks, the fact that i am still called polar bear on school, cheesy combos, screamo and many more things such as watching dance and singing along while joel plays the guitar still keep me from opening the ribbon tied to my wrist.

will run is comming soon, i hope to be able to break my record of 15km, training to run, signed up for dance >.< ( wanna learn waltz, i think its realyl coooool and graceful...), and swimming tmr (want my old tan body back, i am begining to look like white chocoloate! T.T).

Here is a song that never failed to cheer me up. enjoy.

The chapters of my life so far...

Time really flies when one has much fun. Somehow i don't really get it. Every time i look back at the times i had fun, it always seem like it happened an eternity before. Fall out Boy concert, Linkin Park concert, my close friend's birthday where we would always end up drunk or spent the night chowing down on a tub of Ben and Jerry, the times i spent with that special girl, etc... I always wonder on sleepless nights why i never feel completely happy despite all these. Yet, its always the painful times i retain in my clouded memories. The shit times i had during my secondary 3, the day i found out i retained, etc... And to make things worse, a uneasy feeling dwells deep within my feelings about my future. Confused about what i really want, feeling a sense of loss without any reason, i felt my mind being mushed like a midget in a microwave. Habouring emotions i forsake many years ago come back into me like a deja vu moment. I dont know what is happening to me, and it couldnt come at a worse moment. Promos coming in 10 weeks (i did quite ok for my promos (C for physics, B for chemistry, D for gp, and U s for my math and econs (T.T) for those of you interested), Will run in august (hopefully i can break my record of 15km in 1.5 hours), (I pray for another Nike human race again), etc... It just adds to my stress.

I wonder sometimes why God puts us through all these, i always believed that he does this to make us stronger because he loves us. But sometimes i really wished he would give me a break, give her a break. I prayed often, the load just gets lighter a little, but always so small its almost negligable. I will never stop believeing that everything will turn out fine, but all i want is to rest also. Despite facing the many torments in my life, the many emotional problems that only haunts me when i am alone, I have been fighting all these sorrows and evils all my life, sometimes i wished they would leave me alone.

I pray that God will grant me the strength to continue, it being to help others or simply to perservere in what i do, and esp the fact that i need to believe that i can be happy eventually.

Happy Birthday WC, finally 18, go buy some vodka and make me a bloody mary please. haha.
I would like to end this post with my song of the day, The Quiet by We the Kings.



I'll stand
On my own two feet
Against you girl
I just can't walk away

I said,
I can't take it that easy
Wanna break you down tonight
Don't wanna waste another day

And it's not over just yet

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you

Quiet
I will be
So sure
Calling your bluff
I think you lost
Your will to fight

And you know
I'll storm
Through your castles doors
Cause you know that I'm good for you
And you're scared of what you'll find

A love you won't regret

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you

So open up
Your friendly fire
And let me be
The kill you're missing
Don't wanna see you
Close your eyes
Until this is over

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you