A tribute to my VERY FIRST idol...

Some will call him gay, some call him a pedophile, others call him the King of Pop. I call him my hero... Yes, i am talking about Michael Jackson. I grew up listening to his music since i was a little boy, and i can say this. I loved his music. His music was the very first which i really took interest in. Not only did he manage to compose some of the best hits in the world, he also inspired me to do things people would normally see in me. I will be honest and say that he was mainly the reason i started to like dance. The way he manged to infuse dance and music into his art, was really something to wonder about. Despite facing bankruptcy a few times, he still believed in his charity work and never gave up helping the oppressed no matter what situation he was in. He believed that doing so could help Heal the World, and i really strongly believe in his work and beliefs. Songs like Black or White, Heal the World, Man in the Mirror were songs that really instilled the deep rooted values i have in me.

What really saddens me is that up til now, no one knows how he died and why,and now that he is gone, the very first person i idolized is gone. But despite what happens, i strongly believe that his music and inspiration will live on the hearts of many people all around the world.
Michael Jackson, you were born a legend, lived like a legend, and will always be a legend...

So here are some of the songs i really enjoyed from my childhood days.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkGOiS75Lwk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACPsfcsg4ZE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyBs6-cmFvQ&feature=related

Rest in peace.

Not afraid of living, no backing down, never giving up

I recently watched 300 again, awesome movie btw, those of you who havent watched it, go milk a cow. (I wonder when producers will create another movie with this same level of action and wowwheee...) Throughout the entire 1h45min movie, the spirit of those spartans really reminded me of one thing important that most of us neglected in our lives.

"Children, gather round! No retreat, no surrender; that is Spartan lore. And by Spartan lore we will stand and fight... and die. A new age has begun. An age of freedom, and all will know, that 300 Spartans gave their last breath to defend it!" King Leonidas

As i sat down on the chair munching a ham sandwich, as those words entered my ears, i decided on something. This handsome macho killing peice of meat died protecting the ones he knew, the people he cared for, the queen he loved. And i will do the same. (well, not dying lar, who the hell wants me dead anyway?) I will never give up helping and protecting the ones i love, it being the special girl, my family or friends. I will not stand down, no matter how painful and long this ordeal may be. I will stand and fight.

Those of you who go through many problems in their life, dont give up, dont be afraid to walk forward, live life to the fullest. Problems will weight you down, but that does not mean you cant walk, problems will make you depressed, but that does not mean you cant smile despite the pain, Megan Fox may be a guy, that does not mean she isnt hot as a girl, your cheeseburger has cheese in it and you are allergic to bread, but it does not mean its not edible. Whatever the problem is there will always be sunshine after the rain. Never give up, never surrender.

Here is the song of the day, Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance.





Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights, that cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blind..ed me
These bright lights are always blind..ed me
I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
WOOOO!!!! ONE MORE WEEK TIL TRANSFORMERS!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little secret not many know...

I recently went and sat for a VJC concert. And i swear that their dance choreography is superb. Graceful, Elegant and feather like. I was captivated not because those girls were good looking, but because their dance moves were simply magnificent. And i am saying this simply because i have a passion for dancing. Why not join dance? Many will ask, somehow, i felt that i was not able to dance simply because of a few self-esteem issues, and the particular type of dance i prefer to dance. Yes, i know it sounds gay that a guy loves dancing, but somehow, when ever i see people around me dancing, i enter a whole new world. (pretty much like a fairytale, where butterflies are tri-coloured, where the stupid thing we know as gravity does not exist, etc..) And i feel happy simply by watching. (Its rare to find people who acutally can appriciate dance the way i do because many guys choose things like soccer. ) Dance isnt just a form of art for girls, i feel that many people have this wrong interpretation of dance, and it really stings me to see this sterotype amongst people, esp teenagers in our society.

Everytime i see a person dance, it pumps adrenaline into my body, and often , i grow feelings of envy and jealousy, for sometimes i wish this caterpillar could spread butterfly wings and take to the sky. Where it knows no boundaries and the limitless skies are it's dance floor. And yet, as i write this post, i regret not doing what i was passionate about for years. And i am now wasted on the fact that i can never complete another dream that has rocketed into the merciless sun. Someday i hope to be able to recreate this dream and turn it into a reality, for simply, if music is food for the soul, i will say that dance is oxygen.

This post is simply to tell those who are reading this because they are a fan of my blog one of my little secret that even my closest friends do not know of.

So here is my song of the day, Dance Dance, By my favourite band, Fall Out Boy.

Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy

She says she's no good
with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out "A joke of a romantic"
Stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's: "It can't get much worse."
Vs. "No one should ever feel like..."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how
Misery loved me

You always fold Just
Before you're found out
Drink up its last call,
Last resort,
But only the first mistake and I...

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me
The little bit of spine
You've been saving
For his mattress, Love

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how
Misery loved me

Why don't you show me
The little bit of spine
You've been saving
For his mattress
(mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form
Of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
Dance, this is the way they'd love
(Way they'd love) [x2]
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Dance, Dance [x4]

Giving up? Nope. not yet anyway...

Spending the last few days of my life doing nothing can be inspiring to people. Such people include me. As many of you all might have read my previous post, i am sorry for being so pessimistic, i am sorry if i got you guys worked up or worried. It just so happens that i was under going alot of stress and i cracked under it. Amidst the drowning of my sorrows, I realised that screaming wont save me, it only gave the sadness opportunity to flood my lungs.

I realised that no matter how much someone tries, we can never fully understand another person despite how much we know about him or her. we shouldn't cry that people dont understand, we should smile because people tried. Thinking of the many little things that made me happy in my life kept me afloat, and i want to thank God for pulling me out of the depression hole, because without these bits and pieces of happy memories to keep me sane, i would be what people know now as a corpse.

This part of this post goes to Jonathan Song. Hey dude, relax ok? I know your situation and i can say that what you are going through is normal in couples. Give her sometime and space. I learnt that it doesn't matter how long a girl takes to reply you, as long as you she replies in the end, you will still be happy. Try to talk to her more often, often, communication = connection. And if you think your situation is tough, maybe you havent seen what i go through. So dont worry about her, i am sure she wants to spend time with you also. There will be many oppotunities for you and her to spend time. Dont give up. Love will find a way...

An Angel. Thats the two words i can only think of when i think of her. Period.



p.s Guys, i know she is cute/hot/pretty/chio/wow/etc... But you dont have to keep repeating yourself. I KNOW.

just small thoughts running through my head...

I wonder how much longer is my agony going to last. I always seem to be there when people need me, i am by their side when they cry, i am there when they needed me the most. But somehow, as much as i am always having this role, the light which i have always believed in is slowly fading, the warmth that was buried under my soul is getting colder and colder. I don't know how long more i can hide under this fake smile. I always told myself that this was a phase that i am going through in my life. But i feel that 2 years is too long to be called a phase. As much as i don't want myself going back into my old ways, it just seems the will of God that is slowly dragging me back into that black empty shell i used to hide in. Was i meant to be miserable like this? The many dreams i used to have, smashed, shattered against the wall, broken into a million pieces. I worked hard to build all these up, but yet, they were struck down that easily. Ripped from my bloodstained blistered hands and shredded and crushed like used piece of paper. Was life meant to be so hard for me like this? Sometimes fall asleep wondering about myself. What did others do to get this? What did they do that i didn't that caused me to fall into this bottomless pit, cursed to scream endlessly as i fall continuously into the darkness that is eating me.

I wish i could find another me out there who could be here with me. Someone who would know what to say, what to do and when to. Someone who truly knows about my destiny of flame and sorrow. Many have tried, few came close to succeeding, but none have so far. Others simply didn't want to try, whether it being they were afraid or they really couldn't give a rat's ass. The day i find this true someone will be the day i truly smile with my all heart and soul, the day where both heart and soul will dance a beautiful waltz within this angry hollow shell. I am not asking God to send that someone right in front of my face now. Those things only happen in fairytales, and they will stay there as long as there is a line between fantasy and reality. My one and true wish now is to find that someone soon, so that i can continue believing in my fairytale. But then, again, a wish isn't a reality.

Welcome to the other side of life of The Boy who gave his heart to A Girl.

Me and no one else against the world

I know it has been long since i blogged. i apologize for being quiet all these weeks. I am on the verge of a mental breakdown due to many factors. (Many of you might not notice, but yes, i am under alot of pressure and stress.) I try to hide it under a smile, but yet, whenever i try to sleep, i seem to even cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of it. Its not easy to get through things like friendship problems, politics within a CCA, exam stress, and most importantly, emotions that have grown beyond my level of control.

To those in my CCA who always supported me, esp Christopher, i thank you for the support that you have given me all these while. It jusst seems that its very unfortunate for me that things have to turn out this way for me in CCC. Apparently, its Deja Vu all over from my secondary school CCA. I simply feel that there are many people out there that simply dont appreciate what i have done for the past entire year. Iam telling you now, I AM FEELING FUCKING PISSED.

I have been suppressing many negative feelings i had when others bite me, i chose to ignore those, but it has come to a point where it gets so irritating and frustrating and piercing to one's heart that i am just this close to snapping. To my friends who have always been making fun of the thing i love most in this world, i am warning you for the last time, one more word of those mouths about her, and i swear, things will get ugly. I cant stand the fact that you always ignore my feelings when it comes to sensitive issues like this. It does not mean that if i dont bite back means i will never. She doesnt deseverve to be made fun of like this. Even if she doesnt feel hurt, i do, because she is the woman i always wanted to be with and i will never let anyone one of you guys take advantage like this anymore.

To my friends who supported me during these times of depression i had and is currently going through, i thank you. It was great having someone who could listen to my problems. And esp to the very special girl i love dearly. Thank you for always being there for me. You are the reason i still smile when i wake up in the morning, you are the reason i still laugh even though i am depressed. You are the reason i still breathe when i am suffocating under my problems or choking from the stress overload. You are the reason i still believe in myself despite the many things i have been through, and i want to say "I love You" for doing this.

I dont know what the future holds for my friends, my love and esp me. But i pray to God that he will pull me through this time if great depression and guide me to salvation. I am sorry if i wasnt the friend or person you thought i would be, even people like me go through shit. All i can say now i need someone now as I dont know how much more i can take before my mind snaps or my heart breaks and explodes into a red mist. I would like to end this post by saying happy belated birthday to Jon.

Holding on to a fading light...

The past few weeks weren't exactly honeymoon to me, in fact it was almost hell for me if not for the support of some of my friends and a special girl. During the past few weeks, i have seen how many things that we take for granted in our lives change so quickly, like how a fat boy devours a bag of chips. How old friendships have been severly and critically bent but not broken, how love may promise a happy ever after but eventually falls flat on her face many times, how current friends can become even closer friends and the human capacity to change and how i can finally pass Velfare 2000 and number one on ParaPara.

Its not that i am mocking simple things like friendship and love. Its simply because i have seen enough to believe that the road to true friendship and love is never ever smooth. (well, unless you live in a place called Far Far Away, which only exist in the minds of 3.142 people, mainly your dog, the microwave in your kitchen and me.) I still believe that all these are still attainable, we just have to put in more time and effort in order to achieve them. Friendship is like a house, we need to spend time and effort to build it. However, should like a freaking tornado comes by (or a series of unfortunate events as i like to call it, (get the hint)), what do we end up with? A half demolished pile of rubble. so whats the next logical thing to do? Rebuild it, and when another misfortune happens, repeat step 2. (if you live in a HDB then its a differnt case, good luck rebuliding 10++ stories of houses) Love is like.... well, a flower. Invest time and effot into it, you get something beautiful, if you dont, you get 3 pots of weed. I am not going to go into detail on how to put in time and effort into things like this. Its something that you should be born with. (For those of you who really dont know, look it up between page 1 and 2 of Hitler's cookbook, there should be a trillion dollar bill and address of places where you can get a book called "the dummy's guide to love" by your friendly neighbourhood drunk.)

I watched a movie today with my friends. It is called "Handsome Suit". I must say that it was really a good movie as i could really relate myself to the main character. It really enforced the thinking i had in me that when it comes to things like love, looks doesnt matter at all, and what matters is actually what is inside of you. The movie really kept me thinking about who i am as a person and how i function as a person.

My friends, i know some of you guys are wondering why i chose to love that special rose i chosen, why despite getting hurt by the thorns, i still chose to hold on, why i do so much? I chose to pick this rose from the garden not because it was the prettiest, there were many other prettier ones out there, but i chose to pick this special rose as it had the sweetest smell. A smell which always never fail to turn my frown into a smile. I chose this rose as i have seen how it has grown over the years, the harsh weather conditions it has to endure, and despite that, still manages to stand tall and strong, and i want to care for this rose as this red rose gave me hope, a hope which i will always treasure my entire life. I chose to do so much for this rose as i want it to bloom into something that i never had, and when it finally blooms, i can proudly say i did that and live my life without regrets as i will have the picture of a beautiful rose in my heart.

In short, things in my life has kept me thinking about everybody and everything around me, and i apologise to those people whom i have not given the correct amount of attention. Its just really hard for me not to be depressed after seeing so much. The saddness and depression of everyone's problems may have finally caught up. But not to worry, i will recover and resume my role of a good friend cum councillor, and obviously never quit my job as a lover cum gardener to a special red rose.

I would like to end this post by wishing Irwin a happy 18th birthday, sorry i cant come to your party, my mom didnt let me go out. T.T

Remember, vote no to proposition -23, If we ban 16 year old asian school girl from wearing pink socks, who is going to look cute anymore? 2.30 in the morning, i guess its time to sleep. Stay tunned for more next time as i attempt to last another few months without chippies.