thats what i get when i let my heart wins.

This post needs no explanation, the song explains all that is needed to know. Its dedicated to a close friend of mine and a person i care alot for. Here is All Again For You by We The Kings.



P.S do me a favour and try not to ask me who i am refering to.
PP.S for those who know, please keep quiet about it as i do not want to spoil anyone's name on this blog.
PPP.S fuck you kanye west, Taylor Swift is one of the best female singers of all time, go grow some balls and live with that fact. if you cant, do the world a favour and shoot yourself in the head. thks.

September

The month of September brings both many joys and sorrow. Its a month where i am reminded of many people who made a significant impact on my life. The good times, the bad times, and the shit times. You can maybe say it is because of my promos, sigh, they are always in September and often, i would remember times where i struggled desperately for my studies, esp during my secondary school years. But what enabled me to get through this tough period was not only thanks to my friends, but to my TEACHERS.

A very Happy Teacher's day to all my teachers from SRJC (Mr Thomas, Mdm Low, Mr Daniel Tan, Ms Karen Au, Mr Peter Goh, Mr Foo and all of the SRJC staff who has taught me before). I would not be coping without all of your help and would be extremely grateful if you would go leanient on my promos. =) And off course, who could forget all my marist teachers!!!! (Ms Koh, Ms Tan, Mrs Tan-Chin, Mrs Chan, Mr Goy, Ms Jazila, Mdm Lee Wan Yin and the rest of all the staff there!!)=))

This paragraph is dedicated to my fav teacher of all time, My secondary school physics teacher, Ms Sharon Tan. Many of you guys might be wondering why her and not someone else. The reason is becasue she is not only one of the best teachers i ever had, she was also the only teacher i would ever date. (MS TAN!!!! YOU STILL OWE ME LUNCH AT SUBWAY!!!!!) But seriously, the main reason i love her is beacuse she was one of the only teachers who would not give up despite how hopeless i seemed. She would encourage me despite the garden of F9s and would often scream me awake whenever i did not do my homework. She would take initiative to take time out to help me clear doubts and repeat concepts til her throat was dry. In short, she would be the dream teacher i always wanted. So cheers to you Ms Tan, for never failing to not make me fail physic. And its thanks to you that i can cope and understand H2 physics due to my foundation. SUBWAY SOOON OK? MS TAN???!!!!??!?!

So i end this short teacher's day post with a song that is specially dedicated to Ms Tan. What i go to school for by Busted. (NO, ITS NOT BY THE JONAS BROTHERS, YOU JONAS FAGS)

Thanksgiving, a day to be remembered.

Red tie, black shirt, chucks and jeans, topped off with a pair of Aviator sun glasses. Yup, that's what i wore on Friday, the day of my school thanksgiving. Like always, whats a concert without the moshing and the tao pok? Even though the concert wasnt as good as last year, what mattered to me the most was i had fun. Screaming was a norm whenever i attended concerts, screamed until my throat was really dry... Alloy and the gang were as usual crazy mood, knocking and banging on the floor non stop, haha, we really did wreck havock!!! Teachers, do me a favor and play in a band like you did last year for me next year ok? I want to be able to mosh... T__T (AHHHHHHH, SHE WORE PINK THAT DAY!!!!! SOOOO CUTEEEE!!!!) (Keith and Alton, upload my photos plzzzzz!!! THKs!)

Watched GI.Joe with Joel, Louis, Jeff, Ding Zhi and Bryan. Soso show, crappy story line, action a little burry, but still watchable. Haha. (Joel, i still think you look funny in those clothes! HAHAH!)

The next part of this post is recalling the hours right after the concert. Originally, i wanted to eat dinner with 1S11 08, however, due to the really limited space on the 136, i was somehow the only guy from the group not to board the bus. I dont know if it was God's will or not, but i somehow met Joel mathew and his lovely girlfriend, Px. I can safely say this about them. For a couple who are having their first times in a relationship, i can say they are doing a good job. As we three took a bus towards serangoon interchange (i follow them sometimes, cuz i am their close friend, and they were going to the same place at that point of time.), i can see the amount of affection they often give to one another. The way he ensures she isnt cold, the way she ensures he isnt hungry or thirsty all the time (thanks Px for the vitasoy! haha), it just warms my heart to see how these newbies can be so good being the first time. And as i sat in the seat just in front of them, i watched as they show creative affection for each other, and i cant help but to put my jealousy aside and feel happy for this couple.

Reached Serangoon Gardens at roughly 9 there. Had dinner at RK house, (Nice place for prata, not bad actually...) and Frolicks for desert (Damm, why are all the frolick girls so cute and why is frolicks so god damm nice?! killing 2 stones with one bird...) But that wasnt the most memoriable part of that night. What was memoriable to me was after dinner. The class of 1s11 08 decided to find a suitable place to sit and played some cute variation of truth or dare. Who ever lost in a round had to either answer a question truthfully, or accomplish a dare. Obviously the first few rounds were quite fun as we dug deeper and deeper into one another's secrets (sry, i am not at liberty to say their secrets, dont bug me, go bug them yourself). As the game advanced, i learned more and more about human emotions and what they are capable of. Then again, i questioned my own ability to love and show affection. Elizabeth said something important that night, something about me. "It doesnt matter who you like, as long as you are who you are, and honestly, i think you are quite a nice guy, just dont emo alot, I HATE EMO." (haha, felt like laughing when i heard that, but well, its quite true, i feel...)

When Glennard asked me the question "Chen, what do you think its your greatest flaw when it comes to attracting a girl?" That question kept me thinking, what was my actual flaw that prevented me from loving so many times? I still do not know the answer up to now, but i want to thank Rachelle for her reply to my answer that night. What Rachelle said that night also restored my faith in love and the thinking that God has a plan for me, esp my love life. I fell asleep reading her reply, "well, to be honest... yes to a certain extent. I mean some girls would understand your behavior. Some wouldnt mind how one looks on the outside, but some would be disturbed by it. Yupps! (wtf is that supposed to mean sia... T___T) Its not a bad thing really =) Its just a matter of perspectives. Everyone's unique! Like i said, you've impressed me before!" I can tell you honestly, i fell asleep feeling very relieved. From that point, i realised why i fight so hard to earn small things like love and affection. I help others (you know who you are...) through their own problems, treating them like mine, hoping that one day, i would be rewarded with the same type of affection i can pamper a girl with, just like what i saw on the backseat of the 315, where Joel and Px sat. A hope that one day, all my efforts would not go to waste, a day where i can make someone special happy.

I end this post, giving special thanks the following people for the wonderful night. Rachelle, Elizabeth, Darren, Glennard, JQ, Theodora, Cai Xin, Alloy, Louis and the rest of the SP gang, Joel and Px, Joel Tan, Loke, Bryan, Ding Zhi, Jeffery, Si Hua, Yi Jing, Cheng Kai, Kuan Yi, Micheal, Adam, Alton, and the teaching staff of SRJC. (If i missed anyone out, i am sorry.) Here is the song of the day, "Hallelujah", by Paramore



Somehow everything's gonna fall right into place
If we only had a way to make it all fall faster everyday
If only time flew like a dove
Well God, make it fly faster than I'm falling in love

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah"
We'll make it last forever

Holding onto patience wearing thin
I can't force these eyes to see the end
If only time flew like a dove
We could watch it fly and just keep looking up

This time we're not giving up
Let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah"
We'll make it last forever

And we've got time on our hands
(We've got time) Got nothing but time on our hands
Got nothing but, got nothing but
(We've got time) Got nothing but time on our hands

This time we're not giving up
Oh, let's make it last forever
Screaming "hallelujah" (hallelujah)
Hallelujah








Oh, b4 i forget, Happy National Day to all Singaporeans!!!

i came , i ran, but i didnt conqure as much... (a thank you post =))

Yesterday was a day that i will remember for the rest of my life. I tell you, running 14 km isnt a joke, esp if you ran 15 km last year. The pain and agony i felt when i knew that i didnt manage to run 16 km as a i planned. But nevertheless, i felt that it was a good effort, considering the amount o training i went through the past few weeks.

I can safely say that i enjoyed myself yesterday despite the disappointments i felt. Firstly, it was because if the cheering i did for all my female friends (the females ran first, followed by the guys, so we dudes had like 1.75 hours to slack and prepare ourselves) (haha, my throat is now kinda sore from the excessive screaming.). It was enjoyable as not because i manage to see my eyecandy, but more importantly, it was fun screaming the numbers of the tags on the runners and finding many humourous mathamatical ways to scream them. Secondly, (i know this sounds weird coming from a guy like me) i kinda enjoyed running when it came to the guy's turn to run. Pushing myself to the limits and even to the point where mental and physical barriers are broken. The cheering from the people in the concourse as we passed it a dozen times, the cool breeze as i sprinted towards the finishing line the 14th time. Lastly, the cramps that i got when i dropped onto the comfortable grass of the scoccer field.

I could not have done it without the support of my friends. I would like to thank my classmates who kept on calling out "bruno" whenever i ran past LT5, it kept me laughing inside the entire run. Thank you to my J2 friends whom i miss alot, guys who were running with me, thank you all for supporting me by pushing me, girls who told me not to stop as i ran past them (esp my eye candy! HAHA, somehow i always had the energy to run faster when i ran past her, dunno why...) Special thanks to the following people. Joel Tan and Shaun Low for you encouraging insults (ironic, i know...). Joel George Mathew (nice polar bear suit!), Chong Peixuan, Irwin for wearing the mascots so i can keep myself laughing whenever i see you guys. Mr Foo, Ms Au (SOOO SWEET!), Mr Tan for making me laugh when i run past you. Monica, Ester and Loke for telling me to pull my tight shorts down (i am still waiting for the video you promised monica...). Briana, Patricia, Delila, Sabrina, Rachelle, Dawn, Samantha, Anna, Yan ping, Cheryl, Lynnette, Limei, Mei Qi, Ling Hui, Yan Hui, Si Hua, Kathleen, Elizabeth for your heart warming cheers (sry if i missed anyone out, too many to recall all.). You guys really helped out alot, i couldnt have done it without you guys.

A very special thanks to someone special to me. Even though she wasnt there in person, i know she would have supported me all the way. She might not know this, but as i held on to the band she gave me a few months ago, it gave me the strength i needed to carry on in the run. She gave me comfort when i felt sharp pains due to the stitches, she gave me a lift when i started to drag my feet, her invisible hands pulled me when i wanted to walk. And when ever i felt like giving up, i gripped and held on to that band even harder, for i didnt want to give up, i believed that i could run beyond my limits, a belief i thought that was once impossible, but not anymore.

Here is a song for the day.

Last year's wishes are this year's apologies
Every last time I come home
I take my last chance to burn a bridge or two
I only keep myself this sick in the head
'Cause I know how the words get you

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof loneliness at best, at best

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you
Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you

Collect the bad habits that you couldn't bear to keep
Out of the woods but I love
A tree I used to lay beneath, kissed teeth stained red
From a sour bottle baby girl with eyes the size of baby worlds

We're the new face of failure
Prettier and younger but not any better off
Bulletproof and loneliness at best, at best

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you
Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you
Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you

The best way to make it through
With hearts and wrists intact
Is to realize two out of three ain't bad
Ain't bad!

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you
Me and you
(Honeymoon)
Setting in a honeymoon

Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you, if I woke up next to you
Me and you, setting in a honeymoon
If I woke up next to you
(Honeymoon)

colours

Some of you guys may have noticed, but i was wearing a colourful bag pack to school the past week, and some call it gay, others call it cool, but i call it me. Some how, when i have time for myself these few days, i simply stop dead my in tracks and think. The more i think ed, the more i kinda accepted the fact that my life was filled with many different colours, just like the one on my bag itself. The colour red, no doubt my favourite colour, the colour that symbolises the fire of my passion for the many things i love in my life, the colour that reminds me that how much pain i may go through in my life, something may still be beautiful. And i intent to keep that way. Colours such as pink and black represents the emotions and my personality stored in this boy. Green with envy is the emotion that i am currently trying to surpress, yellow to remind me that i am still a chinese, Cooling blue to calm me down and to remove the heat from my often overworked emotions. White, to remind me that there is always something bright that still exists in me, something to remind me that no matter how dark my days may get, there is still something to look forward to. Sometimes i wonder why god put me in such a colourful situations. When he knows i already have more thatn enough to juggle in my hands. And i am not just talking about my own problems, there are added factors such as strained friendship ties, post exam stress (fucking irony...), many more...

Things like froliks, the fact that i am still called polar bear on school, cheesy combos, screamo and many more things such as watching dance and singing along while joel plays the guitar still keep me from opening the ribbon tied to my wrist.

will run is comming soon, i hope to be able to break my record of 15km, training to run, signed up for dance >.< ( wanna learn waltz, i think its realyl coooool and graceful...), and swimming tmr (want my old tan body back, i am begining to look like white chocoloate! T.T).

Here is a song that never failed to cheer me up. enjoy.

The chapters of my life so far...

Time really flies when one has much fun. Somehow i don't really get it. Every time i look back at the times i had fun, it always seem like it happened an eternity before. Fall out Boy concert, Linkin Park concert, my close friend's birthday where we would always end up drunk or spent the night chowing down on a tub of Ben and Jerry, the times i spent with that special girl, etc... I always wonder on sleepless nights why i never feel completely happy despite all these. Yet, its always the painful times i retain in my clouded memories. The shit times i had during my secondary 3, the day i found out i retained, etc... And to make things worse, a uneasy feeling dwells deep within my feelings about my future. Confused about what i really want, feeling a sense of loss without any reason, i felt my mind being mushed like a midget in a microwave. Habouring emotions i forsake many years ago come back into me like a deja vu moment. I dont know what is happening to me, and it couldnt come at a worse moment. Promos coming in 10 weeks (i did quite ok for my promos (C for physics, B for chemistry, D for gp, and U s for my math and econs (T.T) for those of you interested), Will run in august (hopefully i can break my record of 15km in 1.5 hours), (I pray for another Nike human race again), etc... It just adds to my stress.

I wonder sometimes why God puts us through all these, i always believed that he does this to make us stronger because he loves us. But sometimes i really wished he would give me a break, give her a break. I prayed often, the load just gets lighter a little, but always so small its almost negligable. I will never stop believeing that everything will turn out fine, but all i want is to rest also. Despite facing the many torments in my life, the many emotional problems that only haunts me when i am alone, I have been fighting all these sorrows and evils all my life, sometimes i wished they would leave me alone.

I pray that God will grant me the strength to continue, it being to help others or simply to perservere in what i do, and esp the fact that i need to believe that i can be happy eventually.

Happy Birthday WC, finally 18, go buy some vodka and make me a bloody mary please. haha.
I would like to end this post with my song of the day, The Quiet by We the Kings.



I'll stand
On my own two feet
Against you girl
I just can't walk away

I said,
I can't take it that easy
Wanna break you down tonight
Don't wanna waste another day

And it's not over just yet

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you

Quiet
I will be
So sure
Calling your bluff
I think you lost
Your will to fight

And you know
I'll storm
Through your castles doors
Cause you know that I'm good for you
And you're scared of what you'll find

A love you won't regret

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you

So open up
Your friendly fire
And let me be
The kill you're missing
Don't wanna see you
Close your eyes
Until this is over

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To crash the wall
I'll get to you
You are a war
Worth dying for
Tonight

Give me this
One last fighting chance
To be the kid
Who caved you in
It'd be so easy
To lose myself to you

A tribute to my VERY FIRST idol...

Some will call him gay, some call him a pedophile, others call him the King of Pop. I call him my hero... Yes, i am talking about Michael Jackson. I grew up listening to his music since i was a little boy, and i can say this. I loved his music. His music was the very first which i really took interest in. Not only did he manage to compose some of the best hits in the world, he also inspired me to do things people would normally see in me. I will be honest and say that he was mainly the reason i started to like dance. The way he manged to infuse dance and music into his art, was really something to wonder about. Despite facing bankruptcy a few times, he still believed in his charity work and never gave up helping the oppressed no matter what situation he was in. He believed that doing so could help Heal the World, and i really strongly believe in his work and beliefs. Songs like Black or White, Heal the World, Man in the Mirror were songs that really instilled the deep rooted values i have in me.

What really saddens me is that up til now, no one knows how he died and why,and now that he is gone, the very first person i idolized is gone. But despite what happens, i strongly believe that his music and inspiration will live on the hearts of many people all around the world.
Michael Jackson, you were born a legend, lived like a legend, and will always be a legend...

So here are some of the songs i really enjoyed from my childhood days.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkGOiS75Lwk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACPsfcsg4ZE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyBs6-cmFvQ&feature=related

Rest in peace.