For those of you who dun know, i am Nicholas Chen. currently single like most fat people, 17 and studies at SRJC. I kinda screwed my promos up and thus i retained. (laugh if u must, i dun give a fuck, i deserved it) I listen to all kinds of music except like rap. (god, i hate them with their non-stop bullshitting on who's mom is fatter, dumber or have the tighter pussy. i generally laugh at these ppl as they are only making themselves look more stupid. what ever happened to good old jazz music or ancient power metal?) i have the personality of a protector (INFJ) and i belong to an exclusive gang, theCrew.
I wouldnt say i am the perfect lover, but i would say i have been foolishly in love many times. I once liked this girl from my church when i was like in sec 1. this crush lasted like many months. but then, god must have been drunk when he planned out my love life (read on, you will understand why i say this). then one of my best friend who was not one of my best friend that time, kinda blabbered it out and managed to spread it to the entire church faster than a fat boy chowing on the family size bucket full of chicken. this caused like a major amounts of hate and like anger towards me (the girl was a very popular choice among the boys, esp those boys who think they are soo fucking cool by spamming vulgarities and smooth talks). because of that, i was kinda ostricised from church for like 3 months. i returned after when all cooled down. by that time my feelings were as dead. spelt with a capital D E D.
things died down and i resumed my normal life. until my that best friend, decided to use my phone to prank sms one of the countless girls he flirt with. well, (it didnt really have an ugly ending as the girl and i still talk) it kinda developed into a state where we were talking non-stop (this was during sec 3 btw). i started to develop feelings towards her but i didnt show, nor tell as i kinda developed a phobia after the pervious incident. this carried on til somewhere during the early sec 4 year. i was a first aider and was supposed to provide first aid for the sec 2 camp, my fellow first aiders kinda screwed me over the way my best friend did, this time it was really in front of me. that was not the worst part. the worst part was that she kinda rejected me on the spot. it hit me harder a few weeks later when i found out that girl no 1 and girl no 2 are friends.
girl no 3 came in during the june hols of my sec 4 year. she kinda randomly messaged me
and well, like deja vu, we started talking really non-stop. to be honest, i couldnt stand even 5 min without talkin to her. i was that much in love with her. from my point of view, she was no different, she would call me everyday at around 8 and we would talk into the wee hours of the morning. ( i rmb once teaching her E-math over the phone at 3) she would whine when i wanted to put the phone down, she would sometimes call and gossip about things even though i was studying at paya lebar mrt (singpost). (ask elliot, he will tell u) i was the happiest fat boy in the world, and despite the fact that she also knew girl no 1 and girl no 2, it didnt concern me as all we cared about were each other. when she was sad, i was her pillow, when she was happy, i was her playmate, when she was lonely, i was her companion. but then, for some strange reason, we didnt admit to each other. well, i sorta did, but i think she didnt take it properly. (i admited on the O level chinese oral day, i feel like a retard, a fat one too) things ended after when we got our O level results. she was very upset with her results that she didnt even want to talk to me about it. with that, she completely disappeared from my life for 5 months. i was never so hurt in my life. when she finally replied me in april, i was over her and was chasing another target.
girl no 4 was the most beautiful girl i have ever seen in my entire life, even up to now. she is so beautiful that she even makes angels look like your everyday plain jane. we met in a TPJC cum MJC party. (i crashed it thru my mjc friend) anyway, we talked soo much and that moment, i knew i was once again foolishly in love again. (i would say it was a crush now haha, we didnt know each other well) however, this love is and will always never meant to be. why? because
1) she was in j2 and i was in j1
2) her social status is much higher than me
3) she has like many other gd looking and of a much higher intelligence level going after her
this little crush carried on for like 2-3 months? and ended as soon as it started.
girl no 5 is currently also studying in SRJC. infact, she was my classmate this year (i am sure many of you would know her name, but for privacy sake and the deep respect i have for my friends, i will not mention her name). my feelings for this special girl grew during the june hols.
she jus looked so beautiful yet mysterious at the same time. she had the hair of the female rocker that i imagined my future girlfriend to have (for ur info guys, i didnt like her because of her hair. the hair was simply a bonus to me ok?) and the smile that would never fail to put a mile on my face. for many days and nights, i would try to find out more about her thru friends and observation and all those stuff a guy in love would do. however, my biggest mistake in this situation was that too many people knew about it at one point. it kinda circulated til even she herself knew before i could tell her. anyway, it didnt really concern me that she knew, cuz it didnt really change anything. i liked her so much that i was like making her a valentine's day gift that started from july up til now. but then, god liked to play a little game called "up yours chen" and a very huge misunderstanding occured.
my friends knew i liked girl no 5 very much and thus decided to give me a birthday present that was actually an erotic cake with a pic of something that kinda linked to girl no 5. ac much as i wanted to kill them, i couldnt as they were my best friends and they did it out of gd guestures. anyway, the pics of the cake were kinda leaked out or should i say given out on a blog i used to share with my friends. apparently, the next few day were kinda fuzzy to me, but the next thing i knew was that girl no 5 and even her best friend, (whom i talk to alot to try to tap info) started to hate me. i guess what hurt the most was i was kinda innocent in the process... i mean, i didnt want the cake to be seen, i have not shown to cake to anyone,but yet, i was taking 90% of the full blow. i could still rmb that entire week, i wouldnt sleep properly. but then, thank god things cleared up, and me and girl no 5 made up, but i can swear that it left an emotional scar on both me and girl no 5. after that incident, it kinda kept me thinking, would i really be able to make her happy despite all that has happened? does she have feelings for me at all both before and after the that incident? i was thinking along this line and i finally came to a conclusion that it would not work out. it was like an impossible love between a catus and a balloon. it pained me when i decided to try to get over with this feeling, even right up to this point where i am typing this sentence, i am honestly trying to get over her. however, something about me simply is holding back and and i cant understand why. for once in my entire life, i did not understand my own emotions and feelings.
this leads right up to now, where i am torn between my head and my heart and i cant decide on what to do with my love life. but not to worry so much, i am already getting a grip of my life. i have been studying this hol and i kinda more free knowing that i dun need to think too much about my love life in general. so for those who have been wondering about my love life, here is a brief outline of it and i hope u might have known a little more of this fat emo boy.
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