things to study in the past, to learn in the present and to use in the future

Its been 3 years since I used this blog, and reading the last few posts, i feel obligated to inform whoever is reading this new post that it wont me much different. The past few years were simply a time where the young, playful and not too wise Chen learned harsh lessons about life, it being in the army, at work, or simply  at points of time and locations anywhere under the sky, to transform maybe into a little more mature Chen (or Che for the guys now) who knew that life wasn't so much of a fairy tale the previous form knew. Ok  anyway, my reasons for posting this is simple. Firstly, I feel a need to express feelings and thoughts in ways i cant do physically. A way to let people who know me understand to some extent what is going on my mind. Secondly, i am trying to revive this blog and to make it a habit to blog weekly, so as to keep track of my own personal growth, to see how I develop, to see how the perspective of things around me change with time. In short, this would once again serve as a public diary of this fat kid.

Anyway, the past 3 years of my life can be summed up in a few sentences. I finished JC and managed to land a slot into a local Uni, enlisted, went through army as an Armored Tech, met new friends, went overseas for a military exercise, finished army, got my pink IC, worked for a while selling laptops in various polys and now i am simply another guy behind the computer screen. When it came to things like relationships (something my readers always found interesting), the story is never anything new. I always start to like someone, i become too passive, get friendzoned, cry and die a little inside as I watch her get tgt with someone else when i know i could have been the one if i actually put in more effort and grew some balls to actually do something with her, I move on, etc... In short, there isn't many major interesting things that has happened to me these past few years. Its just the small things that all add up to make it worth remembering. However, i want this post to be a solid reminder to myself about the things i have learned so far, esp the past few weeks.

1) There are somethings that you can control and somethings you cant, learn to tell them apart.

this kinda explains itself actually. I realised this during work recently. In life, somethings you obviously can control, and there would obviously be things that you cant. And if you cant tell them apart, then its not going to be easy getting a hold of your life. For example, during work, things you can control would be speech patterns and the way you market your products across to consumers. Things you cant control would be the flow of fucked up customers who only know how to tell you that they are just browsing, only to appear at the booth next to you talking to another promoter (fyi, I FUCKING HATE THESE SORT OF PEOPLE, JUST FUCK OFF SERIOUSLY CAN, NOT INTERESTED THEN SAY, YOU DONT WANT ME TO SERVE YOU THEN JUST SAY, DONT ACT INTERESTED AND ASK FOR A PAMPHLET THEN JUST WALK AWAY JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE BUYING, FUCK YOU MAN, PEOPLE LIKE THESE, THEY ALWAYS NVR KNOW WHATS GOING ON AND ONLY WANNA ACT SMART IN FRONT OF ME. SO YOU GUYS CAN SUCK MY DICK IF YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT SOMETHING YOU NVR LIKED BECAUSE THE OTHER PROMOTERS OF OTHER BRANDS KNEW HOW TO TICKLE YOUR BALLS OR LICK YOUR TITS JUST TO EARN A MEASLY FUCKING 3 DOLLAR COMMISSION.) Point is, when you know what your limits are, you would be better off.

2) Confidence

I was recently quite surprised that despite coming from a JC where i was once know for being one of the biggest social butterfly, I actually lacked the ability to exhibit confidence like many of my fellow friends and peers did. Some scholars would actually argue that that is the main reason people like me are technically still single despite the years of persistent trying. But honestly, I have Darren and Wen Chuen (sort of) to thank. Darren for pushing me to be more ballsy and to be more confident with the people i interact with in my daily life. WC for providing me with my previous job as it required me to talk and get comfortable with total random strangers just to make money. Yes, i do feel more confident when talking to people now, esp when it came to females. (fyi, i actually managed to get a girl's no recently due to this new confidence thingy, but its kinda over between us, so dont ask yea? point is that confidence is important and can achieve shit like this.)

3) Those who long to change their past, often forget their ability to shape their future

This also occurred to me during the period of time when i was working. There would be days where I literally get shit sales while my colleagues actually score free double or triple kills. Its very sickening and upsetting to see things like that happen. I would actually whine and bitch to one of my close friend who was also working with me about it. Whining and bitching about it wasn't the main problem. Not doing anything about it was. Now that i look back, it was silly of me to just continue to wish that i had better sales and to be jealous of my colleagues, it wouldn't change. What i could have done was simply to pick myself up, and just pressed on, because the time wasted whining to others could have been spent making another sale, which would be one less reason to feel upset or fucked up at the end of the day.

4)Its ok to cry over split milk, just remember to pick yourself up

I think this is the part where most of my readers would actually be interested in. The part where i add in elements such as females and heartbreak. Here is some background info. We met online like a few months ago, shortly after chinese new year. Kinda talked and felt weird at first? but who knew things would get complex in the future. I would actually say that she is like (in some weird fetish way) an almost perfect match according to my standards. I mean, i wholeheartly feel that i would not be able to find another girl like this in quite sometime. A gamer girl who loves food, esp Bacon, FUCKING DOUBLE MC SPICY and more or less have the same way of thinking when it came to certain things in life. Yea, things like that would actually be quite hard for me to let go without a fight. Anyway, point is I actually lost the fight before it even started. I found out she liked someone else a few days ago, and I think they just got tgt? My heart felt empty as it crumbled again. I was angry, upset, confused and feeling pretty much any form of emotion that could be considered negative for the past few days. (So guys, guess the cat is out of the bag. haha. and its not as though i didnt wanna tell you guys, i felt it wasnt the right time, so cheers whoever reads this post and finds out about it). The hurt was horrible, simply because i felt so foolish for not realising and taking precautions when i chose to step into the arena. To lose to someone because of the time factor, its really a feeling not to be messed with. And what was puzzling me was that i have never felt this degree of hurt in my life. I thought it was bad regarding the pris incident already, but this case just proved it wrong only. I have only known this girl for so long compared to my other cases. I have spent the past few nights in bed thinking to myself, beating myself up for always being the friend but nvr something more, beating myself up because i kept on thinking how happy i could have made someone feel if only a chance was given, and not those chances that turned out to be a trap. (btw, i dont hate her or anyone, i just feel bitter and a need to express myself if not i might just die one day due to missing my sanity, so if you are reading this and it affects you one way or another, please dont be offended. I still love her as a friend and i am sure the feeling is mutual for both of us and i think she is still an awesome bacon sibling.).

In a nutshell, i was a wreck and a mess inside, to make things worse, i couldnt really talk to anyone about it as i felt it wasnt time for the rest of the guys to know whats going on. More or less, it was an emotional crisis that i had to solve on my own. As I slowly stonned and died inside, i remembered that, hey, things would always get better. If it was meant to be, it would have been. If he can make you happy and not me, then its your loss because i know myself that i would make someone very happy one day, and it just so happens it wont be you for now. Slowly, i just decided to fuck it all, move on, and to be honest, i am still a little shaky inside, but i feel so much better after thinking it through hard and not so obviously with the help of my bros who were always there to force a smile on my face whether they knew the situation or not. I wanna move on, to meet new people and hey, i dont believe i can nvr find another girl whom i can go retarded and fall crazily in love again. Its simply a matter of mindset.

To this girl, i wanna say this to you,  "I maybe sad we aren't together, but i am still glad we met."

The point i am trying to make is that the faster you get over the shit feeling that your problems are the biggest in the world and no one can understand or help you get over it, the faster you can tackle it and move on to find other things in life to live for.



This is the end of this post and hopefully after reading all these, i hope the people who still visits this blog can learn a thing or two from the experiences i had. these 4 points are just the top of the list of many things i wanna share with the world and the people i care about out there. But i cant due to the fact that its too many. But these 4 are one of the better more recent learning points i have to offer already. So gd nite and cheers for many more posts to come.

When life gives you lemons, you fuck it over and cook yourself some bacon.