I know it has been long since i blogged. i apologize for being quiet all these weeks. I am on the verge of a mental breakdown due to many factors. (Many of you might not notice, but yes, i am under alot of pressure and stress.) I try to hide it under a smile, but yet, whenever i try to sleep, i seem to even cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of it. Its not easy to get through things like friendship problems, politics within a CCA, exam stress, and most importantly, emotions that have grown beyond my level of control.
To those in my CCA who always supported me, esp Christopher, i thank you for the support that you have given me all these while. It jusst seems that its very unfortunate for me that things have to turn out this way for me in CCC. Apparently, its Deja Vu all over from my secondary school CCA. I simply feel that there are many people out there that simply dont appreciate what i have done for the past entire year. Iam telling you now, I AM FEELING FUCKING PISSED.
I have been suppressing many negative feelings i had when others bite me, i chose to ignore those, but it has come to a point where it gets so irritating and frustrating and piercing to one's heart that i am just this close to snapping. To my friends who have always been making fun of the thing i love most in this world, i am warning you for the last time, one more word of those mouths about her, and i swear, things will get ugly. I cant stand the fact that you always ignore my feelings when it comes to sensitive issues like this. It does not mean that if i dont bite back means i will never. She doesnt deseverve to be made fun of like this. Even if she doesnt feel hurt, i do, because she is the woman i always wanted to be with and i will never let anyone one of you guys take advantage like this anymore.
To my friends who supported me during these times of depression i had and is currently going through, i thank you. It was great having someone who could listen to my problems. And esp to the very special girl i love dearly. Thank you for always being there for me. You are the reason i still smile when i wake up in the morning, you are the reason i still laugh even though i am depressed. You are the reason i still breathe when i am suffocating under my problems or choking from the stress overload. You are the reason i still believe in myself despite the many things i have been through, and i want to say "I love You" for doing this.
I dont know what the future holds for my friends, my love and esp me. But i pray to God that he will pull me through this time if great depression and guide me to salvation. I am sorry if i wasnt the friend or person you thought i would be, even people like me go through shit. All i can say now i need someone now as I dont know how much more i can take before my mind snaps or my heart breaks and explodes into a red mist. I would like to end this post by saying happy belated birthday to Jon.
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